In these confusing and chaotic times do you ever find it difficult to find your clarity, to make decisions, to know what “right action” would look like? Because of my tendency to want everyone to be happy and to make sure no one is thinking badly of me, I often find it challenging to discern my true, authentic voice from the myriad of conditioned messages that are floating around in my brain. One of the things I’ve come to rely on when I can’t make sense of things is to invoke magic. By magic, I mean, inviting the Universe to help me out. I ask for signs, then I look really carefully. Probably the most dramatic example of this in my own life is when my ex and I decided to separate in the fall of 1993. We decided to let our son stay in the family home and we would rotate in and out every two weeks. This meant I needed to find a place to live. I was in anguish trying to think of what I could do to make sure my son could reach me if he needed to. He was too young to drive so it would have to be somewhere within biking distance. One day on my walk through Woodway, I saw a for sale sign at one of the big estates there. I immediately flashed on a story I read about the amazing woman called SARK. She was an artist and visionary and a magician of the first order. One day as she was walking through the streets of San Francisco she was holding in her mind the picture of the perfect place for her to live. She could see the cottage in her mind, in great detail. On that walk, she actually happened upon the exact little house. By a series of synchronicities, (magic, I call it) she actually ended up living there. Well on my walk this story came into my mind. I wondered if this huge mansion might have a guest house. That’s as far as I got because my rational mind gave me every reason why that was a stupid idea. But every day on my walk the urge came back. Finally, I garnered my courage and called the realtor to see if there was a guest house. Yes, as a matter of fact there was. I hung up. I knew the house belonged to the family of one of my daughter’s school friends, but still I was scared and embarrassed and feeling skeptical. But one day after several weeks of going back and forth in my mind I screwed up my courage and called their home. The wife answered. I explained the situation and asked her if there was any way they would consider renting out the guest house while it was on the market. She assured me there was no way, but agreed to ask her husband, just as a courtesy, I’m sure. Imagine how surprised I was when she called me back a few days later and said her husband would like to meet me and could we meet at the guest house and talk things over. Well, to make a long story short, we met, we liked each other, they agreed to let me stay there, rent free, until the house sold. There was only one condition. Oh, Oh, I thought, here it comes. They wondered if I would be willing to walk the trails on the six acres to keep the brush down and the trail clean. Oh, shoot, I really don’t think I can do that……I laughingly said to myself. So a few weeks later I moved in and had a beautiful, secluded, quiet place to live, rent free for the next 6 months……only ½ mile from my home. Now that’s magic. And honestly, it was more than just finding a place to live. I felt like the universe was supporting me in my decision to leave my marriage. I remember writing in my journal, “I’ll never doubt again.” (Oh, if only that had been true) Another realization came from this experience and that is….. magic is always available to us if our eyes are open and our hearts are receptive. We must just attune to that vibration of possibility and wonder and expectation and be willing to act when we receive a nudge. Of course it’s also important to make clear that we are surrendering to a Higher Will. If it’s not for our higher good, do we really want it? The other part of surrendering has to do with the right timing of things. We must let go of our idea of how something is going to manifest and when it will happen. We don’t always know the larger picture that is involved so to trust that all is unfolding in perfect timing is so important…..especially for our peace of mind.
One of the things I’ve noticed about asking for signs when I’m conflicted or indecisive is that if I pay attention to who I call to ask for feedback I get a clue as to my true feelings. It seems like subconsciously I know what one of my friends will say and so I automatically go to the person who is going to support a certain action. Then I see that what they say is really what I wanted to do, but I wasn’t clear until I heard their perspective.
Lately I’ve had two cases where I have been given signs through a book I was reading or a file that I happened to open on my computer that had been there for a year and I had never looked at it. All of a sudden there was clarity and I could feel it in my body as I read.
The first case was involved a big decision I had to make about whether to help a friend out who was in need. My initial tendency is to always say yes, of course. But this was a large commitment and part of me said, no, I can’t. But then I felt guilty and selfish. I was raised in a home where the doors and the arms were open to any stray that happened by. So unable to decide I just picked up a book I had been reading and came across a paragraph in which the author is talking about service and sacrifice. One line flashed forth in brilliant light as I read, “Does it exhaust you to even think about saying yes?’ Oh yah, I thought, that’s it. This act would not be coming from a place of fullness and abundance. It would be coming from a place of obligation and self- sacrifice. Clarity achieved. Thank you, Universe.
The second event had to do with a number I was doing on myself because I don’t yet feel completely back to normal after my injury last year. I started questioning whether I was just in a rut, stuck….why wasn’t I more motivated to get out there and do something? Then completely randomly, with no thought of my inner dilemma I happened to open a document on my computer that had been sitting there since January. It was an astrological reading for this year and specifically for my rising sign, Capricorn. In it I heard that I might be experiencing a “lull” in my activities, at this time of the year. That this was not a time to be “pushing” or “efforting” and that things would change within a few months. My body immediately relaxed and a feeling of deep gratitude emerged for this small little sign that relieved so much anxiety in my body. Blessed be.
From Change Me Prayers, by Tosha Silver
“Change me Divine Beloved into One who invites you into even the most mundane decisions. Open me to this playful, joyous way to live, following the signs as they are shown. I am Yours, You are Mine, we are One.”
Hymns to an Unknown God, by Sam Keen
“Enter each day with the expectation that the happenings of the day may contain a clandestine message addressed to you personally. Expect omens and epiphanies, casual blessings, and teachers who unknowingly speak to your condition.”